While I was discharged on Saturday, Avery had to stick around another night. The hospital was amazing and allowed us to room in with her. Since they weren't super busy we didn't even have to switch rooms, which meant we kept the large labor and delivery room for our entire stay. I admit I wasn't as scared when the time came to pack up as I expected to be - but I did have butterflies.
We arrived here mid-afternoon and started trying to settle in a bit. We've set up camp downstairs using the pack n play as her night time crib. This way we both can see her directly from the couches where we've been sleeping. I know we need to transition upstairs at some point soon, but we're working to get better at feeding for now. The girls didn't really get bigger, I don't think.
She is the calmest baby, at least during the day, but at night it seems like another child emerges - one that had me wondering if sleep was a thing of the past. Sure they say sleep when they do, but the sleep periods were so short that once I fed her, changed her, got her to wipe back out, pumped, cleaned up the supplies, I was lucky to get an hour before I had to start it all over again.
As things have moved forward I'm needing to pump less thanks to starting to get the hang of feeding, but I'm still keeping some in the fridge as backup. I couldn't even be to this point if I hadn't taken my 4 day old baby out to the Le Leche League meeting. I was to tears frustrated trying to get her on properly and feeling so desperate... so I went. I left on Monday feeling like 50 lbs had been lifted from my shoulders and that there was hope.
It was no small feat as Monday was a big day. We had her first pediatrician appointment, from there we went and picked up the dogs. It worked out well that I then went to the Le Leche meeting as he was able to get the dogs settled back in at the house for a while before we returned. So how are the dogs doing with her? Well, they were a bit crazy at first. I have to say Saf, my baby, did better than I would have guessed, and Dani ended up being weirder than I expected. They are very interested in the baby, but doing well. They're also sleeping with us downstairs (other than that first night) so they too are looking a little sleepy.
He returned to work on Wednesday but I was only truly alone here with her on Thursday as his parents were in since his father is doing some work here on retaining walls. Of course with people here I didn't have a shot at sleeping when she did, so I really just started making attempts at that pattern. I should be sleeping right now as he is out running for us and she is down, but there is so much to try and do that I often cheat myself. I guess once I'm beyond exhausted sleep will win.
Weight has started falling off and I AM eating. I'm sure I'll hit the wall on that too (very soon). My belly button is starting to return to pulling back in (yay). I also lucked out in the period department. They kept telling me I'd likely have a very heavy period for up to 6 weeks, but it's been pretty light and dealable.
When Thursday at 3am hit we were just falling asleep. I can't believe it's already been over a week already.
I'm a Mom. After years of desire and uncertainty if the day would ever come here I am. Follow along on the adventure..
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Thursday, August 24, 2017
The big show
Spoiler alert: I am back dating this post to the date and time all of
this started to happen. You can probably guess how it ended.
So the doctor had arrived by the time we got to pushing. I remember that they wanted me to try to push before I was fully dilated. At that point, they suggested some pitocin to finish my cervix out that last half centimeter or whatever. I had a hep lock in as my intention was to go no drugs (you'll note I have NOT mentioned pain medication to this point. I'm going to bring it up again because I'm hella proud) - so it was pretty easy to get that on. After the pitocin did it's job it was show time.
I'm told I pushed for about an hour and a half. Fact is, I don't understand how ANYONE with pain medication or feeling blocking medication could ever possibly push a child out. You have to be so aware of what you feel working, and even when you can feel it working it is very hard to get right back into that same feeling with the next round. It also helped to have the doctor placing fingers to give me an area to focus on. At some point they put oxygen on me and it gave me a moment of clarity in the midst of the mental avoidance of the pain where it hit me and I remember asking if they were worried about the baby.
That last little bit did indeed hurt like crazy. But then she was here, in this world. They placed her on me for a rather short period of time as she was grunting rather than crying and they wanted me to get a moment but they also wanted to take care of her. It seems like while she didn't poo before my water broke, she did somewhere between when it did and when she arrived so they had some concern there, although that wasn't necessarily the breathing thing.
It wasn't long at all before my placenta was out... I'll do the follow up comments here as it seems relevant: they later assessed the placenta and saw no cause for my bleeding in the week leading up (as in it was not deteriorating or starting to separate from my uterus, so it wasn't causing her to not get enough oxygen and create any other issues there).
After a little while with Daddy watching over her on the sidelines they took her away to the level 2 nursery. Return reports said that blood worked showed some of the white blood cells were elevated, so they started an IV, at which means she needed to stay in the level 2 nursery until that was removed. It also means she was receiving fluids, so she wouldn't be getting early early milk - a big disappointment to me. She remained there with both the IV and oxygen for the first twenty four hours. As the blood levels started to normalize we started bringing her pumped colostrum they were able to slowly bring the level of IV fluids down.
Once we were to a safe level she was returned to our room at 2am - 23 hours after her birth. They then were testing blood sugars, which seemed to be too low and lower each time a test was taken after each meal. So we had another slight worry on our minds. If it had gone any lower she would have needed to head back to the level 2 nursery. Fortunately, a secondary type of test showed things were okay and suddenly the in room test was starting to give better readings (thank the Lord).
All of this did still mean that she was not going to get released with me the next day (Saturday). Fortunately, the hospital gets it - and they allowed us to stay another night after I was discharged to room in with her. We also got lucky and the L&D department didn't get over run so we got to stay in the larger room the whole time. It was nice to have meals coming from the cafeteria and attentive care and guidance from the whole staff (nurses, peds, lactation consultant, and even the clean up and meal delivery folks) - truly, I appreciate what they did for us.
Other things that surprised me:
- You spend hours with a conscious exhale going on to breathe away the pain. Then you get to pushing and their expectations of you to hold your breath for 10 seconds x 3 feels like an absolute eternity.
- This shouldn't really surprise me, but - Good golly, having an oxygen mask, doing all of that breathing with your mouth open, and allowing a few screams (oh yes I did) out sure dries out your throat. I ended up asking them for losenges.
- Again, no pain drugs. I did it! This is the one thing I wanted so much as I do feel that one intervention leads to another. I had my doubts (and voiced them) even before we left the house with the doula.
- After the head came it felt like a limb, another limb, another limb, another limb... also came. Did I just give birth to an octopus?
To make the formal announcement:
Avery Violet joined us on Thursday, August 24 at 3:05am. She was 7 lbs, 15 1/2 oz, and 19". My good girl listened and waited to not be a Leo!
So the doctor had arrived by the time we got to pushing. I remember that they wanted me to try to push before I was fully dilated. At that point, they suggested some pitocin to finish my cervix out that last half centimeter or whatever. I had a hep lock in as my intention was to go no drugs (you'll note I have NOT mentioned pain medication to this point. I'm going to bring it up again because I'm hella proud) - so it was pretty easy to get that on. After the pitocin did it's job it was show time.
I'm told I pushed for about an hour and a half. Fact is, I don't understand how ANYONE with pain medication or feeling blocking medication could ever possibly push a child out. You have to be so aware of what you feel working, and even when you can feel it working it is very hard to get right back into that same feeling with the next round. It also helped to have the doctor placing fingers to give me an area to focus on. At some point they put oxygen on me and it gave me a moment of clarity in the midst of the mental avoidance of the pain where it hit me and I remember asking if they were worried about the baby.
That last little bit did indeed hurt like crazy. But then she was here, in this world. They placed her on me for a rather short period of time as she was grunting rather than crying and they wanted me to get a moment but they also wanted to take care of her. It seems like while she didn't poo before my water broke, she did somewhere between when it did and when she arrived so they had some concern there, although that wasn't necessarily the breathing thing.
It wasn't long at all before my placenta was out... I'll do the follow up comments here as it seems relevant: they later assessed the placenta and saw no cause for my bleeding in the week leading up (as in it was not deteriorating or starting to separate from my uterus, so it wasn't causing her to not get enough oxygen and create any other issues there).
After a little while with Daddy watching over her on the sidelines they took her away to the level 2 nursery. Return reports said that blood worked showed some of the white blood cells were elevated, so they started an IV, at which means she needed to stay in the level 2 nursery until that was removed. It also means she was receiving fluids, so she wouldn't be getting early early milk - a big disappointment to me. She remained there with both the IV and oxygen for the first twenty four hours. As the blood levels started to normalize we started bringing her pumped colostrum they were able to slowly bring the level of IV fluids down.
Once we were to a safe level she was returned to our room at 2am - 23 hours after her birth. They then were testing blood sugars, which seemed to be too low and lower each time a test was taken after each meal. So we had another slight worry on our minds. If it had gone any lower she would have needed to head back to the level 2 nursery. Fortunately, a secondary type of test showed things were okay and suddenly the in room test was starting to give better readings (thank the Lord).
All of this did still mean that she was not going to get released with me the next day (Saturday). Fortunately, the hospital gets it - and they allowed us to stay another night after I was discharged to room in with her. We also got lucky and the L&D department didn't get over run so we got to stay in the larger room the whole time. It was nice to have meals coming from the cafeteria and attentive care and guidance from the whole staff (nurses, peds, lactation consultant, and even the clean up and meal delivery folks) - truly, I appreciate what they did for us.
Other things that surprised me:
- You spend hours with a conscious exhale going on to breathe away the pain. Then you get to pushing and their expectations of you to hold your breath for 10 seconds x 3 feels like an absolute eternity.
- This shouldn't really surprise me, but - Good golly, having an oxygen mask, doing all of that breathing with your mouth open, and allowing a few screams (oh yes I did) out sure dries out your throat. I ended up asking them for losenges.
- Again, no pain drugs. I did it! This is the one thing I wanted so much as I do feel that one intervention leads to another. I had my doubts (and voiced them) even before we left the house with the doula.
- After the head came it felt like a limb, another limb, another limb, another limb... also came. Did I just give birth to an octopus?
To make the formal announcement:
Avery Violet joined us on Thursday, August 24 at 3:05am. She was 7 lbs, 15 1/2 oz, and 19". My good girl listened and waited to not be a Leo!
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
Leading up to the big show
Spoiler alert: I am back dating this post to the date and time all of this started to happen. You can probably guess how it ended.
Around 2am the pain began. I couldn't get comfortable on either side as the cramps started. I kind of knew it my heart it was the start of labor - like I said in a previous post, I was looking for signs - but I had no clue how much so. While I couldn't sleep I sent a few messages on to my guy that made it sound like I felt something was definitely going on.
By 4am I turned to my back and managed to get comfortable and fell asleep. I was up with my alarm and at my work desk. All morning I could feel things going on but I was waiting it out to get confirmation at my noon doctor's appointment. My guy went into work briefly and then came this way to join me at the doctor's appointment (at his suggestion). I kind of thought I'd get to the doctor and she'd say congrats you're now 2cm. Imagine my surprise to learn I was at 4cm! She asked if I wanted to head to L&D as she was willing to send me and she thought for sure we'd see her on that day. This was definitely happening! We opted to go home and labor there as long as possible - and to get the girls to camp.
We were to have a meeting at my place w/ the doula this evening, so I guess she was coming either way. Later in the afternoon things were getting rather unpleasant and by the time she arrived I was already waffling if we should just meet her at the hospital or what. I'm not sure how long the doula was here, but for a little while before we headed out - and the rest of the times get muddled in my head - but we got to the hospital just as the sun was setting (which I googled was at 8:09).
Upon arrival I was 7cm. I gotta admit there are lots of bits and pieces missing. I remember getting out of the car and into the wheelchair and the ride to triage. I don't recall getting my clothes off in triage or moving to the room just down the hall where I labored. There are plenty of pieces of the labor - mostly waves of pain that I do recall. I think I spent most of it - or at least until Dr P got there with my eyes closed just trying to get through.
I remember the nurse coming in to check me again so the doctor could decide if she needed to get in there. I do remember my guy commenting that it was 11pm. Not sure when Doc arrived. But I know we didn't start pushing until what is technically 8/24.
Around 2am the pain began. I couldn't get comfortable on either side as the cramps started. I kind of knew it my heart it was the start of labor - like I said in a previous post, I was looking for signs - but I had no clue how much so. While I couldn't sleep I sent a few messages on to my guy that made it sound like I felt something was definitely going on.
By 4am I turned to my back and managed to get comfortable and fell asleep. I was up with my alarm and at my work desk. All morning I could feel things going on but I was waiting it out to get confirmation at my noon doctor's appointment. My guy went into work briefly and then came this way to join me at the doctor's appointment (at his suggestion). I kind of thought I'd get to the doctor and she'd say congrats you're now 2cm. Imagine my surprise to learn I was at 4cm! She asked if I wanted to head to L&D as she was willing to send me and she thought for sure we'd see her on that day. This was definitely happening! We opted to go home and labor there as long as possible - and to get the girls to camp.
We were to have a meeting at my place w/ the doula this evening, so I guess she was coming either way. Later in the afternoon things were getting rather unpleasant and by the time she arrived I was already waffling if we should just meet her at the hospital or what. I'm not sure how long the doula was here, but for a little while before we headed out - and the rest of the times get muddled in my head - but we got to the hospital just as the sun was setting (which I googled was at 8:09).
Upon arrival I was 7cm. I gotta admit there are lots of bits and pieces missing. I remember getting out of the car and into the wheelchair and the ride to triage. I don't recall getting my clothes off in triage or moving to the room just down the hall where I labored. There are plenty of pieces of the labor - mostly waves of pain that I do recall. I think I spent most of it - or at least until Dr P got there with my eyes closed just trying to get through.
I remember the nurse coming in to check me again so the doctor could decide if she needed to get in there. I do remember my guy commenting that it was 11pm. Not sure when Doc arrived. But I know we didn't start pushing until what is technically 8/24.
Monday, August 21, 2017
TMI Warning: Looking for signs
TMI warning: I expected to spot after being checked last Wednesday. There was a little but not as much as I thought. It has however continued being a pink tinge on any mucus that is wiped. Is that still from the cervix check or is it part of a natural progression? I had a small, I don't want to call it a clot but it seemed more like a clot - but not what I'd expect for a 'bloody show' based on reading/descriptions.
Thicker glops of discharge continue (periodically) but that's been happening for weeks, not sure it's pieces of mucus plug. I have felt pressure and even at times like I need to poo but I am not prepared to do so. I guess it doesn't matter since none of this means anything is imminent since everyone is different.
I guess I'm officially looking forward to Wednesday's appointment to see if we've progressed at all.
Girl has also taken to not just pushing her butt out above and to the right of my belly button but also pushing out a leg or something to the left of my belly button. She's definitely feeling cramped in there.
Thicker glops of discharge continue (periodically) but that's been happening for weeks, not sure it's pieces of mucus plug. I have felt pressure and even at times like I need to poo but I am not prepared to do so. I guess it doesn't matter since none of this means anything is imminent since everyone is different.
I guess I'm officially looking forward to Wednesday's appointment to see if we've progressed at all.
Girl has also taken to not just pushing her butt out above and to the right of my belly button but also pushing out a leg or something to the left of my belly button. She's definitely feeling cramped in there.
Wednesday, August 16, 2017
Holding on the launch sequence
My blood pressure remains good and our little one's heart rate remains in the 150s. Today I had my first exam to find we're at 1cm, 50% effaced, and -2 station. So really, no progress at this point. I really need to get out and walk - but with the pressure I've been feeling I can imagine that would feel rather horrendous to get too far from the house w/o something to lean on. Is it wrong to think that maybe walking w/ a shopping cart is a good idea... even if I don't need to be shopping?
I had a miserable night of sleep too, in part thanks to ice cream we went for around 8. I kept tasting it through the night if my head lulled too far to the side or I was trying to sleep on either side. Bleh. Still not screaming and crying to be done, but I am ready to see some action if for no other reason than to avoid feeling the pressure of being late.
I had a miserable night of sleep too, in part thanks to ice cream we went for around 8. I kept tasting it through the night if my head lulled too far to the side or I was trying to sleep on either side. Bleh. Still not screaming and crying to be done, but I am ready to see some action if for no other reason than to avoid feeling the pressure of being late.
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
Change in support personnel
Yesterday I met with the two 'leaders' of the doula group here and was able to talk some things through with them. I had talked with the one several times via email and phone since last Wednesday and they're working to give me a viable solution. I will be proceeding with their help as one or the other should be available when I go into labor.
This is a good thing because I'm feeling more and more pressure each day. Granted, yesterday I did a little too much in the evening so I had myself hurting, but even without all of that at times when I stand I really feel the lower belly pressure. I guess it makes sense since we're at the two week mark. Time has really flown.
This is a good thing because I'm feeling more and more pressure each day. Granted, yesterday I did a little too much in the evening so I had myself hurting, but even without all of that at times when I stand I really feel the lower belly pressure. I guess it makes sense since we're at the two week mark. Time has really flown.
Thursday, August 10, 2017
Baby's on fire!
Two nights ago I got the 0-6 month pacifiers sterilized and ready to go. I know some say to not introduce the paci until you've got breastfeeding established, but I wanted to have them ready in case they are what I need to soothe... plus there is those that say using a paci helps prevent SIDS. I was not ready to tackle all of the bottles however as more reading materials say to wait a while on those. One thing at a time I guess.
Yesterday I had a weekly appointment. My doula was to attend. I hate to admit it, but I anticipated it would not happen. Still when I got the text she wasn't coming it put me in tears. I had to tell her we need to sever the contract, and I talked to one of the leads for their group. She is going to see what other doula options I have, but I still don't think there is much time to build that relationship. I'm so torn. For the past few months I didn't think this was going to be something we were going to do alone, but I sure don't want it with a stranger either.
Last week's doctor's appointment had a slight dip down in heart rate to the 140s, but we were back in the 150s yesterday. My group b strep results also came back negative, so yay! No need for antibiotics in labor, which means I might be able to get them to just do a hep-lock instead of needing to drag the IV around while I labor.
Baby also had her first concert this evening! I couldn't resist the desire to go see Die Antwoord (hence this post title). A friend from out of town decided to join me and we headed in on the T (how incredibly convenient). It was nice to realize there are general admission seats upstairs, which is where I ended up staying the whole time, so I still feel a-okay today, despite a little swelling my ankles had from sitting there for hours.
By the way how are we down to 19 days and counting until my due date?
Yesterday I had a weekly appointment. My doula was to attend. I hate to admit it, but I anticipated it would not happen. Still when I got the text she wasn't coming it put me in tears. I had to tell her we need to sever the contract, and I talked to one of the leads for their group. She is going to see what other doula options I have, but I still don't think there is much time to build that relationship. I'm so torn. For the past few months I didn't think this was going to be something we were going to do alone, but I sure don't want it with a stranger either.
Last week's doctor's appointment had a slight dip down in heart rate to the 140s, but we were back in the 150s yesterday. My group b strep results also came back negative, so yay! No need for antibiotics in labor, which means I might be able to get them to just do a hep-lock instead of needing to drag the IV around while I labor.
Baby also had her first concert this evening! I couldn't resist the desire to go see Die Antwoord (hence this post title). A friend from out of town decided to join me and we headed in on the T (how incredibly convenient). It was nice to realize there are general admission seats upstairs, which is where I ended up staying the whole time, so I still feel a-okay today, despite a little swelling my ankles had from sitting there for hours.
By the way how are we down to 19 days and counting until my due date?
Thursday, August 3, 2017
Soon enough
I remember looking at posts announcing a new baby (on facebook) with happiness for the parents but that tinge of jealousy that was all too palpable. Now as I scroll and see new babies all I can think is _soon_... very very _soon_. I've waited a very long time and it still almost doesn't seem real.
On the other hand I have friends that post their pain and anguish after loosing a baby. I have no words to offer comfort and I'll admit moments of guilt for posting my joy and moments of worry that I could still very easily end up in their shoes. I refuse to sit and worry about these things as I know that one ounce of worry does nothing for me or the baby, but the thoughts are there.
On the other hand I have friends that post their pain and anguish after loosing a baby. I have no words to offer comfort and I'll admit moments of guilt for posting my joy and moments of worry that I could still very easily end up in their shoes. I refuse to sit and worry about these things as I know that one ounce of worry does nothing for me or the baby, but the thoughts are there.
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
First weekly appointment
We're to the weekly appointments, today being the first at 36w. Today we did a group b strep swab, which I'll find out the results to next week. The doctor also went through their recommendations for when to call etc etc. The little one's heart rate remains nice and strong in the 140s.
One more boring visit and then in two weeks we start checking effacement, dilation, and station!
Last night I tried to pull everything from the Saturday shower out of the bags and get things into piles that will be easier to show to my guy. From there we can make decisions on what is going to try and get returned if in a size we have too much of or duplicates of and then move on to washing and putting away.
He did get the car seat bases installed, but the one in my car feels awfully loose. I've been watching some additional videos and will play around with it a bit before I make an appointment to get it inspected at the local fire station.
One more boring visit and then in two weeks we start checking effacement, dilation, and station!
Last night I tried to pull everything from the Saturday shower out of the bags and get things into piles that will be easier to show to my guy. From there we can make decisions on what is going to try and get returned if in a size we have too much of or duplicates of and then move on to washing and putting away.
He did get the car seat bases installed, but the one in my car feels awfully loose. I've been watching some additional videos and will play around with it a bit before I make an appointment to get it inspected at the local fire station.
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
The countdown is on
A couple of days ago it settled in that we had one month left, oh man... and now today, it's August, the actual month she is due in (even though chances may be good she'll wait til September). I feel like there is a giant countdown clock that just lit up.
My weight did start to go up again, so that tick downward might have been water, or it could be because of the cooking. With my sister visiting she took to the store to gather more supplies and got cooking yesterday while I finished up my work afternoon. I joined her after work and all in all we ended up with: kale lasagna roll ups, squash casserole, crispy chicken and rice casserole, chicken and cauliflower casserole (a la Slippy's recipe modified from broccoli), "incredible" chicken, a tray of honey lime chicken enchiladas that are amazing(!), and two loaves of banana bread following the recipe I pulled together a few weeks ago. We were so whooped last night.
My weight did start to go up again, so that tick downward might have been water, or it could be because of the cooking. With my sister visiting she took to the store to gather more supplies and got cooking yesterday while I finished up my work afternoon. I joined her after work and all in all we ended up with: kale lasagna roll ups, squash casserole, crispy chicken and rice casserole, chicken and cauliflower casserole (a la Slippy's recipe modified from broccoli), "incredible" chicken, a tray of honey lime chicken enchiladas that are amazing(!), and two loaves of banana bread following the recipe I pulled together a few weeks ago. We were so whooped last night.
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