Thump thump thump

A couple of days after the first hcg bloodwork we did another and I went from the 230k range to the 280k range.  At that point, my doctor wanted me to get an ultrasound scheduled.  Given that I am relocating very soon and eager to dispose of the ob/gyn in my current location we came to the agreement that I would scheduled my first appt with an ob/gyn out at my new location and they would get me into the local ultrasound.

This morning I went for the ultrasound still have afraid we'd see only an egg sac, or no heartbeat, or something else entirely - who knows, when I got up this morning one thing was for sure, it still wasn't 100% real.

Well lo and behold boom.  Within seconds she had this in view and seconds later a solid 167 bpm heartrate thumping away.

A few minutes and measurements later and I'm told I am at 9w 6d, which is about spot on to where I guessed based upon what I know for sure.  They also gave me a due date of August 29. I'd rather not have an August baby for a few reasons, so a couple of days late and into September would be nice.

Regardless, this right here is insanity to me but here it is.  I know we're still early, but seeing arms and legs (one of those arms was even taking little jabs), hearing a heartrate, and knowing that despite my lack of morning sickness or other tell tale signs, tells me this is for real.

This week could be the start of things again... I am sitting here attempting to create a list of questions and notes to take with me to my yearly exam on Thursday.  I am going to lay things out and if there isn't a willingness to try/do something different, I don't know if I can proceed trying again without a little more of a chance of the timing being assured.  In that case, I just don't know.

I did double check and one of the donors I had narrowed things down to remains available, at least right now he is.  If things sound hopeful I'd finish up this pack of pills and start tracking my cycles for the next few months with the intention to try in July.

Anything that starts with one hundred... is too much.

Since my last post... I did stop bleeding, thank goodness, this past Saturday, making that period a full two weeks.  Come Monday I called the office back and didn't get another call... until that evening, when the doctor herself called and left me a message - including her cell phone number.  So, on Tuesday I talked with her and her only suggestion was to try and 'reset' my hormones a bit by going back on birth control.  Her belief is that this is what my body would go to on its own if left unchecked.  How unfair is that?  I don't know what that means for future attempts, but I guess it's off the table right now anyhow.

You see, with some issues at work it would be a really bad time to be pregnant.  I can't help but count the months and say if I had not had the problems back in February I'd be showing by now... and worrying about losing your job or trying to get another one in that situation is horrifying.

The next turn of events is that the prescription she sent in does not have a generic, so I just got nailed with a $120 bill for three months worth of pills.  So not cool.

Yearly Appointment

On Thursday I had an appointment with the gyn office. I'll suffice it to say that sincere apologies for what transpired and was missed in the translation from nurse to doctor were shared. She too ordered blood work. That's three times in one month. Again the HCG, I'm assuming looking to see it back under 5, something else I can't recall, and a test for CMV after I inquired. You see, CMV status is listed for donors, but despite 50-80% of the population being positive, I was never tested. Could it cause problems if I was negative and the donor is positive - it sounds like it. So, I guess we'll see where that comes back and go from there.

We are, at this time, planning for me to stop the pill this month (tomorrow will be my last one), waiting a month, and then using my free specimen in April. Fingers crossed that my body's timelines and things will go smoothly.

Quite Quiet

I've put myself on a wait for a few reasons. One, my desire to vacation with my niece in June, starting to see someone, and some issues with my body in general.

Needless to say being overly prego would nix a vacation. I did start seeing someone and I've told him that I was trying with donor sperm, but I do think it would be odd to be actively trying while with someone else, perhaps a mistake.

Finally, the issues with my body... which just had me start taking birth control pills again last night. As of tomorrow it will be two weeks straight that I've had bleeding of some type. I'm tired of bleeding, bleeding, bleeding. I cramped up on Saturday too, telling me that I was fixing for more blood. Now, combine this goofiness with starting to see someone and you can imagine my concern - what if I am not (only) ovulating when I think I am? There could easily be a big issue, which I'd rather avoid. For now I am just hoping that the pills will get me back to some level of normal - and not feeling like I am constantly bleeding or oozing (ovulation = thicker discharges).

I'll be back, at some point. But for now I am taking a break, and despite a bit of panic that I am half way to 37 and the audible ticking, now isn't the right time.

Waiting for a surge

Depending on how long my luteal phase really is I should be ovulating soon. Two specimens of 4102 are in FedEx's hands right now, and should arrive tomorrow. I've got an appointment for tomorrow afternoon, and another for Thursday afternoon, but may end up needing to shift tomorrows if the test doesn't say I am ovulating. I've also actually been taking my resting temp the past several days, hopefully I can correlate the temp spike with a positive LH surge.

Go figure that it was so early the past times, how much do you want to bet it will be late this time? The specimens shipped on Monday, so they'll be good through this coming Monday, hopefully I won't need to buy myself more time than that.

Next order placed

This morning I placed the second order, once again I will be trying 2976. I figure next month I'll try both samples of 4102. From there... I dunno what to think/do, but I'll play it by ear. That said, the next attempt is scheduled for May 20th.

I've also been thinking, why does it seem so socially unacceptable to approach someone that I'd consider to be a rather perfect specimen and say, look, I'll give you $500 a sample (instead of going through a middle man) and then using that for artificial insemination? Ok, maybe what I really mean is offering them one of their jerseys for each sample, but you know what I mean.

Shifting back into the mentality

Well my period started today, which is as predicted thanks to last month's body fail. That means this month will be a challenge as I'll be ovulating on the weekend again. Perhaps what I'll do is have two samples come, one for Friday and one for Monday and see how it goes. Admittedly, all of this hasn't been at the forefront of my mind lately, but that's probably a good thing.

Tomorrow is Mother's day. It hasn't escaped me that if all goes according to plan next year I could be celebrating it.

Body fail.

Well, despite starting to spot on Friday I tested this morning and got a solid negative. Today my period began, lightly. Now, here's how this is a fail - it wasn't suppose to come until Tuesday. According to the calculator that alters my average cycle to 28 days putting my next ovulation on the weekend. Go figure. 28 days, why yes, that's on the weekend every time until my body has another fail.

Now, I just booked a vacation, which runs up to the Monday where I would have been ovulating on Tuesday. Now that ovulation would occur on Saturday, Friday if I'm lucky, this month is doomed as I'll not be in town. I tried to schedule "around it" but clearly failed.

My last weekend

Even if nothing comes of my attempts, my life will be different from this weekend on. Today the sample should have arrived at my doctor's office (hopefully, they didn't call, not that I expected them to).

I picked up some calcium supplements today and a basal thermometer. I feel a little stupid as I almost assumed it was different in terms of use than a regular thermometer. It still goes in your mouth, it just takes a reading to more significant digits. I probably should have started tracking this sooner, but I might see an increase in the near term to help my confidence in when ovulation occurs. So, tomorrow morning (first thing - that's another difference with this type of thermometer) I'll take my first reading.

In addition to the vitamins I've found myself having a salad for dinner last night, fish and corn tonight, not eating fantastically, but good by comparison to my norm. I even pulled out a bottle of water today at work in an effort to start getting my fluids as is recommended to increase my chances.

It was quite strange to leave work today knowing that the next time I walk in there I could be in the process of becoming pregnant. I say could be since the appointment is tentative based on the arrival of an LH surge.

And then there were three...

I've got it narrowed down to three donors from Fairfax. One has been on my short list since near day one, he loves hockey, is in engineering, and has a nice mix of Polish-Irish-French and German-Swedish. He's also produced if ya get what I'm saying.

The other two have not, and have been in the program since last spring this time. Not sure what to think about that. Sure, you don't know how many units were sold and used (properly), or how healthy/viable the women were that selected them, etc etc.

The first is an ID donor, which I originally held high on my selection list. This guy has a CS degree and would offer me the greatest chance of blue eyes too. The last one has the most adorable baby picture and a truly solid (albeit young) looking adult silhouette.

Haven't heard anything else from the niece and sister. Nervous to hear back... but at the same time I need to make some moves in the very near term. I officially am scheduled for Monday, March 28 and providing I'm ovulating and can get the selected merchandise there on time we'll try. I can't even tell you how strange it is to think that.

Planning around a vacation?

Ok, they say if you wait until everything is perfect to have a kid you'll never do it, but... but...

There are some factors at play here. While I was away at my sister's over Christmas we realized that my sister was 18 when I was born and I was 18 when my niece was born. Well, guess who turns 18 next February? C'mon, how cool would it be for my plans to play out that she's 18 at the time?

The complication comes from the desire to go on this one awesome cruise. I've been planning on canceling my Alaska cruise that was slated for this August. That was originally a barrier as you cannot be more than 6 months prego when you cruise w/ RC. So, I could have easily started right about now trying to get prego, but would want to wail til May-ish to align w/ my niece's 18th birthday. With that cruise coming off the plate I am seriously desiring one that is in Sept 2012. Now, the kids daycare on board is for at least 6 month olds. Following me?

So, when are good times to manually do the deed?
To happen when niecey-poo is 18: May 1, 2011 - April 15, 2012
To not be past 6 mths prego or under 6 months post for the Sept 2012 cruise:
before June 1, 2011 or after April 1, 2012

That gives me one try in May if I want to do it this year. No pressure to decide, is it? *bites lip*

Where I'm coming from.

I am in my mid-30's and starting to feel like I'm ticking.  Is it because children aren't an option?  Am I just seeing things in a new light?  Is it because the ex is having kids even though neither of us "wanted" to go that route?  Whatever it is, this has been on my mind for quite a while.  In the past few months (some may call it a midlife crisis, others may say I took charge of my life), I "decided".  Come spring of 2011 I will be working towards a child of my own.

I've taken the next step and started to contemplate what it would be like to raise a child on my own.  Having a child truly 'alone' is impossible, so what are the options for a gal who has a heck of a time in the dating world?  I've contemplated adoption, but I think that part of the innate draw is to go through the whole process.  A random encounter? - too risky with too many future implications.  Asking a male friend to assist? - how awkward is that and still fraught with future implications.  So, that brings me to donors unknown to me.

Is this crazy to even consider?  Will I change my mind?  Regardless, this blog will document my actions towards eventuality and might make for something to share with someone- someday.