I'm so blessed, yet here I am with all kinds of irrational emotions running amok. I'm worrying about the sickness that is just finishing up here at our place, will Avery catch something again right away... and how Avery has been snotty since she got her first cold at Thanksgiving, is there something bigger wrong? Which then gets me thinking about when she was born and wasn't breathing well but instead grunting. This makes me want to cry because how easily she could have had even more serious issues or not gotten well - and there I was so wiped and mentally out of it that I didn't even process it as fear and horror, which was good for my state at the time, but you better believe I feel guilty for not being worried at a level that was reasonable for her state.
My brain has periodically considered how horrible it would be to be in a car accident with her onboard since she arrived. I'm sure that fear is normal, but where are they springing up from? I can't help but then also think about the friend's sister who lost her wee one before six months. How quickly and unexpectedly things could change.
I guess I've cast these fears out in the past with prayer and I need to get back on that train of thought - specifically, "she is in Your hands", but I also need to pray for strength for the next 18+ years. Whew.