More firsts

I had my first ob/gyn appointment here in my new location before heading out on vacation.  She was surprised to hear the heartbeat quickly on her lesser in office equipment, which clocked in at 162.  The blood draw was a nightmare that resulted in my hand getting stuck.  During the internal she noted the presence of a polyp, which is likely why I have been bleeding so easily.  The tests that came back told me I had my first ever UTI, which is crazy to me, since I've never hard one and I'm completely asymptomatic.  I'm assured however that isn't all that abnormal when pregnancies occur.  Also the one clumped up, but no biggie as it's better than it being too low.

I'm still closing the jeans I was in but I cannot suck in my gut as well as I once could. I'm still feeling pretty good with some minor bouts of tired (maybe that could be from the UTI even).  Thank goodness I have lots of time to get things unpacked and space created for the new addition.  As I am hitting week 12 today I am feeling a lot more confident we'll get to announce to the world.

Thump thump thump

A couple of days after the first hcg bloodwork we did another and I went from the 230k range to the 280k range.  At that point, my doctor wanted me to get an ultrasound scheduled.  Given that I am relocating very soon and eager to dispose of the ob/gyn in my current location we came to the agreement that I would scheduled my first appt with an ob/gyn out at my new location and they would get me into the local ultrasound.

This morning I went for the ultrasound still have afraid we'd see only an egg sac, or no heartbeat, or something else entirely - who knows, when I got up this morning one thing was for sure, it still wasn't 100% real.

Well lo and behold boom.  Within seconds she had this in view and seconds later a solid 167 bpm heartrate thumping away.

A few minutes and measurements later and I'm told I am at 9w 6d, which is about spot on to where I guessed based upon what I know for sure.  They also gave me a due date of August 29. I'd rather not have an August baby for a few reasons, so a couple of days late and into September would be nice.

Regardless, this right here is insanity to me but here it is.  I know we're still early, but seeing arms and legs (one of those arms was even taking little jabs), hearing a heartrate, and knowing that despite my lack of morning sickness or other tell tale signs, tells me this is for real.

A positively long time since I posted

It has been a long time since I posted here.  About a month after my last post I went on vacation with some friends.  One big thing happened as a result of that trip - one friend is no longer a friend, we started dating.  Picture the television whispy mist as two and a half years have now flown by.

I should catch you up on other things relevant to this blog that have transpired since then.  I was having some pains and abnormal bleeding.  With a few checks I learned I have a couple fibroids, nothing abnormal for my age.  More time passed, I was back on the pill for a while what with the new relationship and all, but went back off to try and get my body to regulate a little as I continued to bleed in the middle of the month while on the pill.

I've gone back and forth between the ob/gyn and my regular doctor, as the ob/gyn office sounds eager to help one minute and then blows me off with a "well I'll see you next year" the next minute.  My regular doctor ordered tests similar to those I most recently reported as having indicated bad mojo for how long I have and how many viable eggs I have.  Guess what, they never told me those tests need to be run at a certain point in the cycle - so this time things came back looking fine.  So my mind was at ease about the whole situation - all the while I am still not getting any younger.

A few months back I had the conversation about kids with my guy and indicated my concerns that I am almost out of time.  Much to my surprise we dispensed with the use of protection.  I wouldn't say I was actively trying because I wasn't tracking anything other than making a note on the calendar as to when I was bleeding - which was still more often than not, twice a month.

I know from my experience 5 years ago that I'd be a good candidate for a toilet baby.  I'm sure you're horrified reading that statement, but it's true.  I didn't realize I was pregnant when I had my miscarriage in Feb 2012.  I had some minor awareness that something was different, but I thought it was a cyst on my ovary or something.

I found myself a week ago commenting to a friend about pain when I rolled a little in bed to get the remote from the nightstand and how it wasn't a cramp and the pain went away instantly, just a quick jab.  Her comment "sounds like round ligament pain" and she commented about taking a test when she realized I was a couple days late for my period (I had not bled midmonth either - that was the second month that looked like it was going to be a full 28 day cycle).  I thought this was ridiculous because nothing had "happened since my last period".

Still, it got in my head.  I have tests at home, so on Friday I took one and boom.  So I did a second.  Still yes.  Mind blown, this can't be what it looked like I turned to the Internet.  Warning:  you know the internet will scare the crap out of you, so why do we do it?  After I was done I was even less in belief because I didn't have ANY of the classic 'symptoms'.  The one test told me I was 30% pregnant based on my answers *laugh*.  Instead I thought it could be issues with my kidneys, or possibly a growth on my ovaries or bladder (which should have been noted during the transvaginal ultrasound a year prior for fibroids), or simply my age.  Did you know that periomenopausal women can toss false positive tests because hcg starts to get produced at lower levels?  Me either.

I had just been in for typical yearly bloodwork - like JUST there - so I waited it out to see those results first.  When the blood workup came back looking good (no indication of infections etc) I asked the nurse to contact my doctor to request a blood test for a quantitative hcg.  I went that evening and my doctor was calling the next morning.  My number was 200,000.  Defn not "my age".

Since we're not really sure how far I am given my period in December after anything physical last happened we're approaching a little slower.  We'll do a second blood test on Monday to see if the numbers are still going up and then prb an ultrasound.  She didn't want to rush to that because of the fear it would be too early and you wouldn't find a heartbeat when there really would be one to find - soon!

I'm fighting to not let this get too real just in case.  But wow.  For now, one day at a time - and that includes finding a way to tell him I think I may be when we're together this weekend.

I can say that maybe it's mental, but in the past week I've definitely taken on the sleepy as all get out and wanting to eat everything in the world stereotypical behaviors.

Since my last period, which was over a week late, I have been using the ClearBlue fertility monitor.  haven't gotten a level "3" reading yet this month.  My mind is on finding a 'real' donor lately.  As I suspected, my one friend is in fact preggers.  She too started using the monitor and during the first month of use tried when she saw a "3" and bam.  It's too early for her to be announcing to the world, but you get the point - it is a lot easier with a readily accessible fresh donor.  I wish I knew where to start.

Heck, I've even tried looking at a few more adoption sites and I don't know where to start there either.  In the mean time I am monitoring not knowing if my doctor's office will even try to help me again.

So today the doctor is back in town and looked at the information I already reported here as clearly not good.  He had the nurse call me back to note that the value was bad (duh) but what shocked me was the follow up comment which had nothing to do with what our options were but rather a punt to the folks in the nearest big city (2 1/2 hours away).  Here you can write these numbers down.

From a cursory glance these places are fertility clinics that make mention of IVF solutions on their websites.  Not only is that horribly invasive and complex, but it is hella expensive and would have quite a few trips to a place that would be 5 hours round trip each time.  How on earth is that going to help me?

I guess I shouldn't have expected more from a place that didn't even want to see me after I had a miscarriage, but I guess I had a false sense of hope after my talk appointment where he agreed to try trigger shots etc.  I don't know what to think or what to do next.

A 0.3 on a reference range of 0.9-9.0 on the AMH level.  Not good.  Of course, now the doctor is out until Wednesday, so I'm lucky to have at least convinced the nurse to give me the number value.  No matter how you cut it, as I said:  not good.

A major shift has occurred since my previous post.
First:  I have purchased a clearblue fertilization monitor and sticks.  It arrived a bit too late to start using it this month, but next month I'll be using that.  I've been using my old pee sticks this month and here I am still getting negatives and wondering if I'll see a positive at all.

Second:  I put on the big girl panties and visited with a male gynecologist that one of the midwives recommended I speak with.  Since she had also dismissed the idea of using a trigger shot due to other risks I felt all was lost, but I was pleasantly surprised that he agreed we needed to move in that direction since my periods when I was last off of birth control were rather erratic.

This means I may need to find a way to come to terms with having a male gyno.  I'm still not sure how I feel about that.  He also sent me for another blood draw for an anti-mullerian hormone assessment, which will give us some insight as to my ovarian reserve.  The results of this test could shoot things out of consideration.  So now, we wait and track for a little while.