Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Feeding despair

I've been feeding the girl every 2 1/2 hours during the day in an effort to get more in her and more weight on her.  It doesn't leave a lot of time for pumping, even less when she decides she's hungry again before that window is closed.  That was the case tonight.  I had pumped and shortly thereafter the screaming started.  I figured my freshly pumped breasts weren't going to cut it, so I pulled out the supplement formula.  This is the stuff they gave us at the hospital that she was drinking there w/ breastmilk.

Give her the formula if you need to they say.  Give yourself a break they say.  Plus, when I start back to work I know we might need to transition to formula if I can't get my pump to draw more.  So I gave in.  She drank, I tried to burp her, she sat with me for a while and then she dozed off.  To give myself a break I put her down and she stayed peaceful.  More than an hour later I picked her up out of the pack n play because her next feeding time was coming and she needed changed.  Shortly after I picked her up the vomit came.  I know they say it isn't as much as it looks like but it soaked both her onesie and my shirt and I'd put money down it was at least half of the 2 oz bottle (like an hour and a half after she ate it).  She's had a bottle here and there in the past few weeks, so it isn't because she's never had it.

I hate not knowing what to do.  Formula is my backup, but I feel like it isn't a safe backup.  It is insult to injury when you are realizing you aren't able to provide enough to feed your child (as demonstrated by her not gaining super fast and underscored by the small amount I am able to pump when I'm faced with needing to pump enough to send with her to day care very soon).  What's the point if she's going to yack it up?  This is not a girl that vomits, she VERY rarely has given even that little bit of spit up w/ a burp.  Even if that is "normal" who wants to need to clean up vomit?