I figure I'll be sharing this a million and one times with people, so it's time to take my answers to my sister and other common questions. I may add to this as time passes, so if you see it re-appear at the top, pardon the duplication.
Comment: You never mentioned wanting kids, actually you've sounded like you loathe them.
Yup, you're right, I haven't really.
This isn't a new thought. The thoughts started even as far back as when my friends had their son, before I moved to NC, that was in 2000. I've kept my mouth shut to many for fear I'd be called a hypocrite. But when you start to realize that that desire isn't going away... at some point you have to eat crow. Through the years I've thought about it more and more.
In more recent years as I've allowed myself to date guys with kids I've seen how much they really love their kids, and recognize that yes, I might be missing out on the love of my lifetime, and it isn't in a man who may or may not show up, or may already be in my past.
Comment: What about adoption?
I was looking at adoption sites way back when I was still in NC. Many agencies do not take single parents kindly. Not only that, but many kids in need are handicapped/retarded or not white. SURE, there is always a chance that I could have a kid with problems and I don't know how I'd handle that. Then as you think on it more you just wonder what _your child_ would be like.
Comment: You know, having a kid is a lot of work, your life will change. Are you sure you can do it alone?
I don't think any thought or consideration can ever 'prepare' someone for that. I don't think it can fully prepare a couple either. But I do think it's similar to the saying offered to couples "if you wait until you think the time is right you'll never have kids".
Comment: Diapers, formula, etc is expensive.
Yes, the expenses seem daunting, but clearly, I spend money on things I don't need to spend money on.
Comment: Daycare is expensive.
Yup. But I can't see myself mooching off of society so I can stay home with the kid. Guess I'm gonna have to pay for it so I can still go to work, eh?
Comment: You won't get to take spur of the moment vacations.
Who takes "spur of the moment" trips? With three dogs, jaunting off to France for the weekend has never been an option.
Comment: What about traveling for work?
I don't think I've ever seen them force single moms to travel. Fair? I think not, as I'd rather not travel for them and pay to kennel the dogs, but it is what it is. Perhaps I'd finally not HAVE to travel.
Comment: It'll be hard to find dates if you have a baby.
LAUGHTER You might be surprised how many people have pretty much considered the divorce to be 'baggage' they won't look past - but yet, I see so many single moms without a problem finding dates (not saying this will help my dating life, I just mean I've seen people consider it less of an obstacle to getting dates than being divorced). Either way, my dating life can't get more pathetic than it already is.
My final comment...
I can at least say I'm not going the route some women do (and I've seen SO MANY do this over the years) where they try to trap some guy by "accidentally" getting prego... never mind the likelihood of that demonstrating a miserable relationship for the kid.