Time is passing so fast

It's been more than a half a year since my last post and I remain without something new to say.

More and more people are joining my church, they too have 2, 3, 4, or like the couple this morning 6 little ones right there in front of me.  Others have had their first or second one in the past so many months. I think one of the toughest things to swallow is the rather heavy woman there, I mean large enough that she can hardly walk and carry the baby.  I am not stating this to mock her size, but rather to marvel.  There I was trying and being told that because I'm a bit heavy it could make it harder for me to get pregnant.  Seriously?  How are these women doing it?

I have a yearly appointment coming up next month, so I suppose I  need to figure out if I aim to try again this year (still being mindful of the forthcoming vacations).  I start to think I should stop the pills and get myself ready and then I think more and realize I'm still here in the same area, which means the timing will always be near impossible.

In the past year I've made feeble attempts to reach out to potential adoption places and have heard nothing back.  I know, I know, if I were serious I'd call, but I don't feel confident.  I wish I could just find the right guy and do this the old fashioned way, things would be a great deal easier.  But of course, the far and few options there all seem to already have their kids.

What Progress?

Five months later and I am still asking myself the very same questions.  I am finally back to a point where work is a little more stable, so that factor is lessened.  The quest for Mr. Right continues to be a very short story.  I've also planned vacations out to the end of 2014, which seems ridiculous, but it is another thing that would need handled if my child-status changed.

Since my last post I attended a work event that was family oriented.  I have to say how shocking it is that it seems like not only has everyone there reproduced, but they've done so 3, 4, or 5 times.  It's tough to swallow sometimes.

Watching time passing...

Nothing much to say as of late.  I remain on birth control, enjoying the shorter, less painful, and more predictable periods, but a bit pensive as I watch more time tick by.

In the mean time I've started eyeballing adoption websites again.  I just can't imagine those challenges in addition to conceding that I would not have someone that was _of_ me.  Now that's not what is stopping me, I know many kids out there need someone and yes, I'd love them and do the best I could for them.  I know too that adopting doesn't prevent me from finding Mr. Right and having one of my own either.

Adoption for me would probably not mean a baby.  As a single woman, I know some places would still shy away from me.  Heck, I look at profiles of older kids who state how they'd love to have a mom and dad and even siblings and realize how short I would fall of their expectations as well.

I guess right now I am just circling and trying to figure out what to do.  I know that lack of action doesn't slow down the clock.  What to do?

Anything that starts with one hundred... is too much.

Since my last post... I did stop bleeding, thank goodness, this past Saturday, making that period a full two weeks.  Come Monday I called the office back and didn't get another call... until that evening, when the doctor herself called and left me a message - including her cell phone number.  So, on Tuesday I talked with her and her only suggestion was to try and 'reset' my hormones a bit by going back on birth control.  Her belief is that this is what my body would go to on its own if left unchecked.  How unfair is that?  I don't know what that means for future attempts, but I guess it's off the table right now anyhow.

You see, with some issues at work it would be a really bad time to be pregnant.  I can't help but count the months and say if I had not had the problems back in February I'd be showing by now... and worrying about losing your job or trying to get another one in that situation is horrifying.

The next turn of events is that the prescription she sent in does not have a generic, so I just got nailed with a $120 bill for three months worth of pills.  So not cool.

Still going.

Yep, still going.  A great way to celebrate getting another year older tomorrow too.

I called the gyn office on Monday and they called in orders for blood work - thyroid and prolactin levels, both of which came back normal.  I found that out by calling the next day to ask for my results.  So I asked "what do we do next", which seemed to throw the nurse that the test didn't tell me all was fine.  I've been waiting since for another call back, which she said she'd give me after talking to the doctor to see what we should do next.  Have I mentioned how much I hate this office and how much they seem to dismiss and let their patients fall through cracks?

Up until today I didn't have cramps and it was pretty darn light, to the point that sometimes it would stop, I'd not get something from bathroom trip to the next or when wiping and then have a gush that came through my shorts before I could get out of the house and past the neighbors in an attempt to go on a walk.  Today I started to get slightly crampy.  What does it mean, what is wrong with me, and why doesn't anyone care?

Even more chaotic.

With work being tentative at best after less than a month I am wondering if more things don't happen for a reason than we realize.  I could have easily been, what - 6 months prego - if I hadn't had a miscarriage and ready to lose my job.  Who hires someone that would be off within 3 months?  No one, that's who.  I guess I'm lucky in that respect.

My crazy periods haven't stopped either.  Here's what I've dealt with since April.  The pink days indicate when I've been bleeding.  Looks like fun, doesn't it?  Best part is seeing how I bled as I left for vacation last month AND as I came back from it.

All over the place

As mentioned in my previous post, I ended up early in May having a period that started on the 7th.  Based on that I should have had my next period on the 1st.  I took an ovulation test and had a positive when it was expected, so I was expecting a period on the 1st-ish.  Since then I ended up bleeding, lightly, for three days starting on the 25th.  Today, June 3, I am again starting to spot, which is probably the result of the positive OV earlier in May.  But seriously - and extra half period?